Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Today's outfit causes a "buzz"

The high-waisted pencil skirt epitomizes retro glamour. I know an A-line skirt is more flattering on me, but I can't help myself. I lust after pencil skirts. I envy the women who can wear them with ease and not concern themselves with unsightly bumps and bulges. I even bought a pencil skirt last year. It fit, but I knew would fit better after I lost another 5 pounds (famous last words). I wore that skirt once to work and it has sat in my closet untouched ever since.

Fast forward to about a month ago. I'm at the mall (I can't wait until I can say that again) and I spy with my little eye something so fabulously high-waisted and straight that I had to try it on -- "just for fun," I told myself. I stood there in the dressing room, zipped into this skirdle (skirt that acts like a girdle) and examined myself closely. Can I breath? -- Define breath? Can I sit? -- Who needs to sit? I debated if I should buy it. I calculated what I had eaten that day and wondered if, on a day when I ate more, would it still fit? Throwing caution to the wind -- and my credit card to the cashier -- I left the store with the skirt that was sure to make me look like I belonged in nose art.

The skirt hung in my closet for weeks, but today was the day. I put on my exceedingly bright, highlighter yellow blouse, then I said a silent prayer and told the dogs to "cross their paws" as I zipped up the zipper that just kept going. It was on! I examined myself in the mirror. Not too shabby! I felt like a Joyce Ballantyne painting as I arrived to work, head held high, thinking "This outfit is fantastic. I love it."

Then I got to the office.

Within 10 minutes a male attorney said to me, "You're wearing your bumble bee outfit today." Okay, first of all that would imply that on other days I wear my butterfly outfit, my ladybug outfit, or perhaps a dragonfly outfit. Secondly, who the hell says something like that to a woman you work with? Who the hell says that to anyone who is not a 5-year-old at your door trick or treating in an actual bumble bee outfit?

Shortly after that, a woman said, "I haven't worn yellow since I was a kid. People just don't wear yellow that much anymore." I smiled politely, nodded my head and said "Really, I see it all over." In my head I'm screaming "Open any fashion magazine! Watch T.V.! Step outside!" Where does she get off? "People just don't wear yellow that much anymore." I mean, its the color yellow -- its not a petticoat. Later in the day, this same woman asked if Scarlett Johansson is someone famous? (Yes, she is in fact famous and oh, by the way, she wears yellow!)

What is it with people who just say what ever idiotic thing that comes out of their mouth? If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Or at least have the decency to stay quiet and blog about it later. Passive aggressiveness is highly underrated.

Despite those wildly incorrect comments, I still think this outfit is great. The skirdle wrinkles badly, not great for my desk job. Nonetheless, I know that if I was standing for long periods of time -- posing for Ballantyne or Vargas -- I would make fantastic nose art.

Author's Note: There were a few compliments paid to me today, but that doesn't really give me fodder for the blog, so I'm skipping them.

1 comment:

  1. Seriously. Kudos for wearing yellow. Rachel Such wore the yellow Wang gown Michelle Williams wore to the ('06 I think) Oscars as her wedding dress (though in a more muted tone). I wore an awesome vintage shirt New Years '07 with a jacquard pattern that reminded me of the old Givenchy logo--it was a bold golden yellow and I felt like a pimp! My favorite cashmere sweater (Polo scored at TJ Maxx--$450 sticker, I paid $10) is yellow. Yellow Power!!!

    This guy stopped me at Goodwill a few years ago and asked me how I know what to wear--he said he just didn't know what to pick or how to put anything together. I told him--just pick a theme and go with it. On that day, I told him, I felt like golfing (plaid abercrombie shorts, pink pique Lacoste pullover, topsiders/no socks--all second hand--except the shoes which I bought at the Parisian equivalent of Academy for 24 euros...). You think I know how to golf?! Who cares!

    A few weeks ago I was invited to an art party at the Blanton celebrating the "Birth of Cool" exhibit. The ink black boot cut Polo jeans and white Polo sort of muslim-dude-goes-to church style shirt (both splurges for me at Last Call at about 40 bucks a piece) just weren't playing out like I had thought they would. Erin Syler was over here waiting on me and I went through a few possibilities--she said no. She pulls out these pants--I call them "Palm Springs" pants--white linen Polo cargos. I've had them for years and worn them maybe once--to the beach in Santa Monica I think. I grabbed a very old standby: the vintage Christian Dior Captain's shirt--navy blue, white buttons. It was all very nautical as a theme. But here's the thing about theme based dressing one has to watch out for: costume-y-ness. A nautical or western or golfish theme is one thing, but you don't want to show up actually looking like a sailor, a cowboy, or a scene from Caddyshack. I you're as much a Polo RL enthusiast as I am, this is a tricky balance. You could look like you just stepped out of a M*A*S*H* episode if you dare buy the mannequin. So, for example in the case of The Blanton event, I skipped the deck shoes and went with hip Italian-looking black Clark's. Having said all that, I like how you captured the hints of Varga girl--even the hair nails it--without looking cartoonish.